I Hate Censorship

 

This post is to admit that my life has been something of a failure since mid June. I haven't been writing as much as I was, I spend all my time on social media or avoiding social media or just rereading what I've written over and over until words have lost all meaning. Mid June is when my life kinda turned into a spiraling mess and I am still trying to find a way out.

Mid June is when I got Dungeoned by Amazon. For no other reason than someone working for a corporation saw my book and didn't like it for ANY ARBITRARY REASON, I lost any ability to gain traction or a following. This was the beginning of the end for me and everything since then has been one long march to try and keep my ragged sanity from flying apart at the seams.

I know I should have expected it, but until it happens to you, that feeling of helplessness when someone takes away your freedom and throws it into the garbage, I hate it. Every day since then, all it has done is EAT at me and drive me into more and more desperate avenues to try and make up for being violated this way.

I talk a lot about things on here and social media, but there are some things I won't talk about. I have issues and having something taken away from you without consent is something that sticks with you.

However, my problems are not your problems, or at least they shouldn't be. I might have been able to increase my sales through creating the CENSORED version, marketing that, through social media and a dozen other little marketing schemes I've put forth, but the amount of money and especially TIME has been such a drain that I don't have anything left to give for my book. While my sales have actually increased dramatically, my total net from gross is only a very small margin and if I was charging myself by the hour, I'd be thousands of dollars in the hole from the sheer womanhours.

I WILL NOT deliver a subpar book! I can't! And the expectations I've given myself are just mounting and mounting and I'm nearly at my breaking point here. Considering I slit my wrists and needed 3 units of blood when I was a teen, my breaking point could prove deadly.

I met with my therapist last month. I unloaded everything about the book, Ai Love, getting censored, writing, expectations, my anxiety and depression. I'm already on some heavy medications but my therapist suggested a radical change in some of my doses and drugs. I started those regimines last week.

I don't know how many of you take drugs that effect your emotions or brain chemistry, but even small adjustments can put you through heck. I've been adjust dozens of times in 26 years and each time it nearly kills me. This time was one of the worst and I'm still not even close to recovered. I have a constant headache, my mouth is always dry even though I'm drinking water by the gallon each day, I can't focus and I will go from laughing to crying to shouting at the drop of a hat. On top of that, I'm expecting my period any moment now and that can only mean more awful to come.

I haven't written anything this week. I don't know when I'll write anything in Book 2 next. I'm sorry, but it is all I can do to go to work each day and pretend to the world that my world isn't cracking apart. The book won't be done this month, I don't know when it will be done. I need to get a grip on my life first.

On a plus side, if you want to help improve my mental health, I still like to orgasm. #AiLovesToOrgasm is a trending tag and I'll post out any review I get on Amazon with something mindblowing (for me, at least). I've even gotten permission to go past my daily 2 orgasm limit from the spouse if I get more reviews in one day! So keep me cumming back for more!

If you see me about on Social Media (I'm trying to cut down), say hi. I might not look it, but I love fan response and would spend all day every day just talking about sex and monster girls and cumflation if I could get away with it. Sometimes I think my manager is onto me for spending too much time on the media at work, but I get my reports in on time and they all look great so I think he looks the other way.

As for Book 2, I might give the first 1/3 to Editor-kun to start working on so I can at least get some of the preview chapters and audioporn worked on, getting the promos out there for when the release is ready.

Sorry for such a let down, I hope you don't hate me too much for being such a terrible slacker.

Keep harmonizing!

#ailovestogrow #mytherapistknowseverythingnow #failureauthor #keepmecumming