Lactation Update

 

Back from doctor, sitting in my car at the moment and letting the spouse drive.

The news isn't great.

For those of you who haven't been following, it was recently brought to my attention to try and manually induce lactation a few weeks ago from a friend. I got really excited, bought some expensive pumps, wanted to start that day. My Spouse - reasonably - convinced me to hold off and see my therapist and my doctor. I pouted, but it was the right call. Saw the therapist and the meeting wasn't a great one, but it wasn't a clam jam either. Just saw the doctor.

To be clear, my doctor was very reasonable and brought up points that I agree with. I've kind of known this was coming, but have been dreading the confirmation.

I talk about having mental problems, but I don't talk about all of them. Part of it is because I'm publicly known for some of these issues and keeping anon is still Rule #1. Honestly, a dedicated investigator with access to certain records could probably track me down, but I'm still going to try and be safe for as long as I can.

What this means is my medications are complex and they are treating problems I'm not mentioning. My daily drugs I take barely fit into one hand. Seeing the doctor today was a confirmation of something I suspected and already got from my therapist: my hormone balance is delicate and inducing lactation might be detrimental to my health.

He didn't say NOT to go ahead with it. His biggest concern is that my oxytocin levels are usually pretty high anyway and the other hormones being pulled into the milk might upset the balance my current drugs are giving me.

Worst case? I could fly into a manic episode (or something else I need to control) and that could lead to another suicide attempt. Just a few months ago I nearly got there just from a change in medications combined with stress. Depression and mania is about finding balance. Introducing something new means finding a new balance. I want to try lactating, but it could mean upsetting that balance and that could mean harming myself or losing my job or other things.

So he didn't say no, but he wanted me to wait for the current drugs to find a balance and then when I do it, to try it with regular blood tests and monitoring to make sure I don't lose it. Which my insurance won't cover.

Now I have to budget this idea if I want to move forward. I'm not feeling too hot, so I'll postpone any writing for a few days. I might be on here but I'm not sure, we'll see.

Mentally, I'm kind of in a state at the moment. I've been spending too much time on social media, need to limit to a certain time of day to do all this stuff and center myself. So, I'll still be on daily, but need to really cut back and maybe even get back to writing instead of spending time with my new friends. Sorry, but I'm going to also put #ailovestoorgasm on hold for now. Got it half written, but just not feeling it.

...sorry for not being a more dedicated author. Really wish I didn't have all these problems in the first place.

Keep harmonizing.

#ailovestogrow #johnnyhatesjazz #needcuddles #stupidhormones