My Name Is Ai, And It’s Been 2 Minutes Since I Last Checked My Email

 Originally posted on May 29, 2020 at https://ailovestogrow.wixsite.com/mysite/post/my-name-is-ai-and-it-s-been-2-minutes-since-i-last-checked-my-email

I have a problem. The first step to recovery is admitting I was powerless over checking for BM updates - that my life had become unmanageable. I have been cycling between my email, KDP, Twitter, the Amazon page for the book, this blog, GoodReads, The Hub and YouTube almost constantly for every waking moment for weeks. It is safe to say I have been addicted to any kind of feedback from you gals, so much that every single slight change has been noticed and hoarded the moment it arrived.

I kept telling myself it was so I could connect with the fans, keep them updated, but it’s becoming something else. I refresh my email hundreds of times a day, I’m creeping out on people as I watch the KDP numbers for KU pages read tick upward page by page. It’s like everyone reading BM is secretly having me hover over you, watching as you read and probably fondle yourselves.

I’m like your own little perv angel, fingering herself as I get off from you getting off.

This has led to some disturbing revelations about myself. First, I’m very needy. You all know that, slapping your foreheads, but now I’m starting to know it. You all have no Idea how absolutely euphoric it is to get a review or even an email, no matter how much it roasts or condemns. I’ve become an addict.

To help regain sanity, I have now restricted all BM update refreshing to each morning between 6-7. I’ll still try and respond when I see something, but otherwise I’ll just put writing as more important than basking in your fandom, no matter how delicious I find your feedback. Otherwise, I can’t function.

In some ways, I’m like Pinkie from Party Of One, sitting by myself as I listen to my made-up friends tell me how I don’t have any real friends. It’s sad, but I’ve realized why not many of you are saying anything: I write porn. You’re like me, hiding your fetish from the world and so you read my book but then go back to your lives. I can’t ask you to change, I’m no better! So I just need to accept that and move on.

I did a lot of rewriting this week, so while I only finished Chapter 18, I got around 10k words written. Not a whole ton, but read above to see some of the reasons why. I hope it doesn’t become a thing until after I finished the entire draft.

On that note:

Keep Harmonizing!

#ailovestogrow #aa #ineedyourfeedback #crazyasapinkie

EDIT: ...need to make a list...

Quick shoutout to Kindle Customer III. I’m happy you enjoyed it! Stay tuned for updates and other fun tidbits!