A lot of you probably think I'm dead.
I'm not, but I'm also not 100% With my condition, I'll never be 100%, but I'm managing.
What I didn't account for was how spread out I was. I'm still finding people saying "are you alright?" when I pop up somewhere new, and that is on me. Mostly, I got back onto Discord and so there were about 300 people that knew I was back(ish) and not dead, but I didn't go through every single social media platform and tell everyone (or post about it on a blog...).
A lot of that was anxiety. If I didn't say anything to anyone, that would make it still not announced and I could continue to lurk and not have to interact or meet expectations.
That is unfair to you and disingenuous of me. My stay at the hospital was long and difficult, I am on new medications, and the answer to "are you alright?" is...complicated. I can no longer live my life how I had been, but the outcome is better than I had feared. A kind of middle ground. So I'm still around and kicking, but I don't think I'll be the crazy wonton woman I was before.
I mean, I still will be, just maybe not spend so much time on social media telling everyone about it.
All these crazy changes has affected my ability to write, which sucks. I have more time in the day - only working part time from home now - but concentrating on writing is more difficult and I have to do it in little sprints. For most of the year I truly believed I wouldn't be able to write any more.
Then I helped someone with an outline for their story. I helped another person with a copy of their book and even wrote out a sex scene for them to give them an example of how I'd write their characters having sex. I realized I still had capabilities, I just needed to adjust my expectations.
So I did, and at the advice of my therapist, I have started a new series Ai Love Therapy on Literotica (links at the bottom). It is random, completely pantsing it (which I do not do). The Irene sections are sort of a collaboration with another author and so if those seem radically different than the Ai sections, well, they are. Anyway, posting them has given me a new lease on writing and so I'm dumping them all on there and having little heart attacks watching those rating go up and down. I will probably keep posting stories there, but the direction and frequency of those posts will rely entirely on feedback from fans.
Speaking of feedback, I just finished opting out of the KU program on Amazon. Amazon has screwed me over and over again with censorship and I'm done. Depending on how many people clamor for books to be published, I may continue to offer collections of the Lit stuff on there, but that is entirely up in the air. I will be starting a Patreon or other subscription service and then just hope people like me enough to put a coin in my busking hat while I write smut. Not gonna lie, being honest with y'all, a lot of motivation is gonna be linked to those Lit ratings and eventual Patreon direct deposit.
Yes, I know there are other options for smuteers like myself, but Lit/Pat works for Annabelle, so I think as a fellow monster pussy purveyor, it'll work for me. Maybe I'll branch out to other systems, but that depends on how difficult it is to keep rights, how much censorship there is and how private they'll keep my information.
This is turning out a lot longer of a post than I intended. I really did mean to make it quick.
Anyway, here is the takeaway summary:
○ I am fine. I'm not "healed" and I am not in the same place I was, but I am also not dying (which was a possibility).
○ I have stopped KU services and will be moving to a Literotica and Subscription model soon.
○ I have a new series on Literotica (link below) and I'll be moving all my content onto there soon (including eventually Becoming Monsters books 1, 2 and 3).
○ Discord is basically the only social media I check or interact on regularly (link below).
So stand by. If you want to get a hold of me, you can still email me ailovestogrow at the google mail address, but Discord is easier. I'll be back on here when then subscription model is set up and I'll pass my hat around for loose change.
I love you all and I wish you all a Merry Christmas!
https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=5187376&page=submissions
#ailovestogrow #literotica #screwyouamazon #imnotdead
